Into The Boardroom…

Johnny Whitecollar walks into the boardroom, carrying his leather briefcase with him as he finds his seat; a nice, comfy rolling chair with a high back.  Not any different from seven of the other eight chairs in the room, but nice, nonetheless.  Sipping on his hot latte, he quietly greets the other people in the room, until an older man walks into the room.

This man, short and balding, instantly commands the attention of everyone in the room.  A hush falls over the ten other people in the room, as they eagerly await what this man has to say.  This is obviously a man of great power.  He sits down in the biggest, most comfortable chair, so he must be the CEO.  His coffee cup is labeled “Mr. Sanders”, so that must be his name.

“We need to plan for this summer.  What kind of movies are ‘in’ right now?”  questions Sanders.

The lady to his right chimes in, “Statistics show that the cowboy genre is on its way out.  Right now, the big thing is personal empowerment.”

“What do you mean by personal empowerment?”  snaps Sanders.

“Well, people like to think that they are capable of doing anything with their lives.  Right now, people want to hear success stories about average joes who strike it rich and become successful”

“You’re right, I was reading a story about a young man who started a successful business out of his garage. Let’s make a movie about him”

Suddenly, Johnny makes his presence known. “Are we absolutely sure that we want to have another movie about a successful man? After all, ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ came out a few years ago.”

A second woman peeks up from her stack of paperwork to chip in, “Market trends indicate that the woman demographic is down.  We need to find a way to get more women to the theaters”

Flustered, Sanders proclaims “Then let’s change the main character to a broad.  That will get the chicks to come out.”  It’s almost as if he is annoyed that he has to work to get people to go to the movie theaters.  “Okay, now that we have a story, we need to find a director.  Find me the most agreeable trained monkey that you can!”

Johnny chimes in with some more of his precious wisdom, “We need to hire a writer.  Don’t forget that this movie hasn’t even been written yet”

Sanders replies “Great observation, whoever you are.  Get on the horn and sign whoever you can for union wage.  Send him a copy of the latest US Weekly, and make sure that he is able to fit in all of the actors we want.”

Two months later…

Joe the Screenwriter is sitting in his Hollywood studio apartment, watching TMZ on TV and enjoying his organic salad.  His maid brings him the phone, letting him know that it’s the movie studio.  Elated, he answers the phone, hoping that they are ready to pay him the rest of his salary for writing their newest movie.

“Hello”, says Joe.

Skipping any formal introduction, the lady on the other end launches right into the bad news.  “We need you to redo your script and add a happy ending to it.”

“Aw man!”

Two weeks later…

“Now we need to hire someone to rewrite it.”

Four Months Later, shooting has begun…

“Now, we’ll let the actors change everything about it, completely undermining the work of the first two writers.”

Three Months later, when the movie is edited together…

“Now that it’s finished, after getting some focus groups together, we’ve decided to order some reshoots, because there were certain scenes that didn’t test well.  Turns out that the audience wanted to see her get back with her ex boyfriend after she spend two years of her life focused on her career.”

“That’s not how it happened in real life.”

“Well that’s how it’s going to happen in MY movie!”

End of Story

Film is at its best when it’s less of a collaborative effort.  It’s one thing for a writer/director to work with the actors in order to refine the workings of a script, but there’s no circumstances where screenwriters should be getting advice from a board meeting.  There’s a phrase that goes “Too Many Chefs Spoil The Broth”, and this is very true for movies as well.  When a script is picked up by a talented screenwriter, then it should go straight to the director, who will make all of the decisions regarding changes or revisions.

Unfortunately, this isn’t how the real world works, and the result is formulaic movies that lack in storytelling and dramatic features.  I’m sure that if anyone in the movie industry were to read this, they would dismiss my ideas as being naive, due to the fact they “know what works” and I don’t.  However, don’t forget that the movie industry is in a downward spiral, and people are choosing NOT to give as much money to the movie theaters as they used to.  It’s time for the movie industry to make some changes, and I think that “Art via Committee” is one of the first things that they should get rid of.